Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Tantric Tantrum

Yesterday was not a particularly pleasant day, let's just say. I started out the day with a schlepp to my Lyme doctor (an hour each way; long story). He upped one of my antibiotics and took some blood. This trip fatigued me more than it normally would.

The bright point of my day -- the cream in my Tastykake -- was a quick knitting meet-up with Liz. I've grown extremely fond of Liz in a short time and she's a kick-ass knitter, too. We met and had hot beverages and knit and kibbitzed. Liz is helping me out by test-knitting a pattern that has been through multiple revisions but it's such a cool pattern I think it's worth it. Here's a quick peek at what she did:



Our knitting time was all too short. After I picked up the twins from preschool, and my mother called to tell me she wasn't going to come tomorrow because we were supposed to get a blizzard a volcano was scheduled to erupt hot molten magma all over the Pa. Turnpike they were calling for a few snowflurries, G. decided to have a complete and utter hissyfit. It lasted for two and a half hours.

It was, in fact, a tantric tantrum.

Now rest assured that G. had a perfectly good reason for her snit. Something about her coloring book not being right. I won't bore you with the details of the screaming, the threats, the thrashing, the rending of garments (or the stuff that G. did). Suffice it to say that it was ugly. In the midst of the fury, G. starts grabbing her crotch. Her not being a pop star, I realize this suggests she needs the bathroom and I ask her if she needs to go to the toilet. She says no. I even take her to the bathroom, but she's kicking and screaming and I'm afraid I might smack her head on something she might hit her head on the sink or something.

She comes to find me about fifteen minutes later. (I was locked in my bedroom with my hands over my ears, humming "The Star Spangled Banner" while shouting "I'M NOT LISTENING!")

Dear readers, she had urinated on the floor.

Yep, she had showed me that... um, she wasn't gonna take no orders from no honky bitch about where to ... um, well, I'm sure she showed me something. Please excuse me while I go try to figure out what it was.*



*When daddy came home, she immediately sauntered up to him and asked for all her treasured princess-iana that I had confiscated on the theory that any kid who pisses on the bathroom floor doesn't get to play with cool sparkly shit. Tom asks her why the stuff got taken away, and she puts on an Oscar-winning display of insouciance and ignorance, while managing to suggest by the set of her eyes that it was because Mommy's Paxil needs upping. "Were you acting like a brat?" Daddy guesses. "SHE PISSED ON THE FLOOR!" I shout. My husband, nicknamed (more or less affectionately, depending on the mood I'm in) Clean Boy, has a single reaction: "Oh God, where?!"

29 comments:

Carol said...

Dear Lord, you win. I'm not sure even my drama-laden daughter could top that but then she's only 3. By 5, she might be a contender. BTW, the knitting looks gorgeous.

Deborah C. said...

Oy, what a day you had! I've had fights like that with my soon-to-be 5-year old. "I don't have to go, I don't have to go, ... oops..." The knitting looks delicious - I love the colors. I hope you feel better soon!

Jenn said...

Thanks for the story. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who has to censor my thought concerning my kid's behavior. LOL

Marigold said...

lol! I would have reacted so much more badly. and my husband's just like that, too... "eww, pee, gross!"

Bridget said...

Poor Carol - at least some part of the day was fun. The knitting picture looks like a pretty cool project (and I like the yarn too).

Hope you are feeling better today.

Sherry W said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sherry W said...

Sounds like she needs the rolled up newspaper/rub her nose in it treatment.

Liz K. said...

So what was the principle for the day, then? Cleanliness?

Thanks for the shout out. Our afternoons are always the highlight of my day.

Eileen said...

I spend way too much time missing having little ones around. Thanks for reminding me of that!

Elizabeth said...

My verification word, uirwzh, looks like a Word Jumble relating to this post.

My younger son is a master at tantrums. We've had some real doozies. When I try to go to my room for a mommy time-out he comes looking for me to prolong the abuse. Kids.

I feel for you. And they always know to pick the time when your reserves are lowest.

Maybe when we're all old and senile, we can pee on their floors?

kathy in juneau said...

Sorry you had such a lousy day, but you sure brightened my morning with your humorous recounting of it! I'm into the teen years, so I can laugh at the antics of tantrum-ing pre-schoolers! Take heart, in 8-10 years it will seem funny to you too...

Sarah said...

Wow. I am seriously rethinking keeping the niece half of the twins here this weekend. I do not know if I could show your restraint.

Elizabeth said...

And she's looking so cute in the brand new Knitty. In a cute sweater, too.

donnac368 said...

Congrats on your Knitty pattern! Can't wait to try Briar Rose. I'm going to finish some quickies first and then cast on. I, too am a mom with lyme. My preschooler has many lovely tantrums too!

Jennifer said...

Tears streaming down face, laughing so hard husband came to check on me. I have a four year old. No lyme disesase but a heart attack when he was 10 mos. Others lightly jest "they're killing me" - ours really are! Get feeling better soon!

Marilyn said...

Missy G. is a girl after my own heart. Now, as a child tantrum-thrower, I must bow to her incredible imagination. I would never have thought of peeing on the bathroom floor. Inspired.

Now, had she been my child, I would have done exactly what you did. No sparkly anything until she's 31.

Lisa said...

May I suggest renaming her Sarah Bernhardt? thank you for reminding me why I am thankful that I was born without a biological clock...nope, checked again, nothing ticking.

Joy said...

OMG! ROFLMAO! I'm *so* glad I'm not the only one with days (weeks) like this! I'm with you on the removal of all things sparkly, but I probably would have taken away the tv too, and anything else she *wanted* for the next week! There's always the option of making her clean it up? worked for mine! those tantrums can be a real bear. hope you are feeling better.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh Carol. I laughed until I wept. Really.Today at work one child ran around the library making monkey noises while knocking over chairs.
One child flung a foam noodle(the kind you float on in a pool)at another because of a "tag-back" during PE. And another child, exuding the charm he/she has consistently shown, told me "I'm going to smash your goddamn effing face in." And a couple of them had a farting contest. No actual pee though.
But damn isn't Guinness a fine brew!

anne marie in philly said...

"I've grown extremely fond of Liz in a short time and she's a kick-ass knitter, too."

EVERYONE loves liz. she is one of the most popular members of my stitch-n-bitch group. and so damn talented.

confidential to carol - liz loves red stripe beer!

fiberlicious said...

Ohmygod, I'm just laughing my arse off. Which, of course, will only encourage the little monster.

Kathy said...

Ya know, times like that it's a shame you can't just put them out on the lawn with a sign that says "free to a good home". a) you would probably go to jail b) the taker would probably return her and demand restitution :-) If it's any consolation, my sister told me the terrible twos last until 7 or so, so you are almost out of it.
On a more pleasant note, the sweater in Knitty is gorgeous!!! And your daughter looks sweet.

Carrie said...

Oh, man, what an afternoon you had! Very funny reading, though. HeeHee.

Karen said...

Ah, the tantrum. My son, if I may be blunt, insists that he cannot poop if he has not eaten something dark brown.

I love Briar Rose (if only I had a girl!) and I love your blog. I hope you are feeling better.

mindy said...

Oh, the nerve of those coloring books... My 8 year old daughter can still pitch some whopping fits. Wine and chocolate, dear.

Kathy Merrick said...

Carol, ma tres tres chere, I am shocked that my dear friend G., who has always exhibited such amazing grace and elegance, would stoop to peeing on the floor.
Watch out--she knows what works.

Could she still possibly be the shatteringly beautiful G. of the gorgeous Knitty photo of the lovely Knitty sweater?

Carol said...

What a day! Glad to hear hubby didn't fall for the act. Clearly he knows his wimmin...but it's too funny. and I know you didn't think it was funny at the time, but in a few years, it will be! You just need time (and Guiness) to heal...

Melanie said...

You have my complete sympathy. Every child has at least one of these in them.

kmkat said...

Thanks FSM we had [Scandinavian] boys. I would have killed the child that did that. And then who would write my blog?