Friday, June 08, 2007

Blog Contest

I've never had a full-fledged, official Go-Knit-In-Your-Hat Blog Contest before, so here goes.

A long time ago, I came up with this great idea for a brand-new line of greeting cards. The line is called "How I Really Feel" TM and instead of sappy poems that sound like "Duh DA duh da DAH dah, duh DA duh da DAH" they feature pithy messages for real-world relationships. My idea was born out of frustration when shopping for greeting cards for certain, er., difficult family members. I hated buying them cards with inapt sentimental messages that made me feel like a hypocrite. On Father's Day, for example, I was faced with rack upon rack of cards saying "You're the best dad ever!" and "You're more than my pop, you're my best friend!" [gag] What I was really looking for was something like this:

[front of card featuring mallard flying over pond] "Happy Father's Day to my favorite abusive alcoholic!"
[inside of card] "You always sucked as a dad, but you are the only one I'll ever have."

My idea caught on (in my twisted little mind) like wildfire. MIL's birthday?

[front of card featuring pretty vase of flowers] "Even though you threatened to call Child Protective Services on me for no reason when my first child was an infant, I'm still wishing you a happy birthday!
[inside] Because if nothing else, you gave birth to my dear husband."

And for that special sister-in-law:

[front of card with balloons and confetti] "Congrats on your 1000th day without another psychotic break!"
[inside] "You do realize, however, that you'd be much better off if you didn't discontinue the meds against doctor's orders?"

Your mission is clear: email me (at goknitinyourhat [A%T]att[D*OT]net -- you know to take out the extra symbols, right?) with your proposed additions to the "How I Really Feel" TM line, including your email address. I will select one grand winner and a couple of honorable mentions. There will be prizes: for the knitters, some BBF yarn or a good knitting book (I have some extra copies of stuff I got from TNNA last year), and for the non-knitters, erm, I'll think of something. Chocolate, maybe.

Deadline is June 25th at midnight. Only submissions that do NOT appear in the comments will be considered. And when you email me your submission, you agree that I can reproduce it on this blog should I deem it clever enough. There is no limit to the number you can send in, so long as they are original and funny.

Go to it, wags!

16 comments:

Allison K said...

Carol, I so know of what you are speaking! Every year I try to find a father's day card for my stepfather. He's a good guy, but he's not "dad" nor did I grow up with him nor does he fish, golf, or wear a tie. Jeez!

Tabitha said...

My husband and I used to make our own christmas cards, a different card for each recipient, back in the day when we had no money. We had the ones we actually sent and those that we made at 2:00 in the morning after a few drinks that expressed how we really felt. My favorite was the one with Santa pushing an xmas tree up my father-in-law's ass. A classic. I suggest that How I Really Feel have an Christmas line.
And, I just sent you my first submission. There's more where that came from.

the hanged man said...

I used to get around the insipidness of greeting cards by buying cards that were blank on the inside and writing my own message.

But now you can't even find blank cards that don't have pictures of puppies, flowers, boring nature scenes (blandscapes?), etc. You can only send Van Gogh's sunflowers so many times.

Liz K. said...

Mr S and I always bemoan that there is no "Ambivalent" section in the Mothers Day card display for his stepmother. I'll have to chew on that one.

no-blog-rachel said...

What a fabulous idea! My brother and I once had a competition to see who could send the other the tackiest, schmalziest card. I don't recall who won but it was fun (as well as nauseating) to see what's out there.

Tara said...

Only slightly OT: I had a friend who gave one of those "you've been just like a mother to me" cards to his mother.

I usually go for the humor cards in order to avoid the whole overly fulsome messages that are not appropriate.

Tina said...

excellent contest! I love your examples. I'll have to ponder, but I can't wait to try my hand.

Irene Johnston said...

Hi Carol, I am very computer inept,and as I have composed a very cathartic card for your contest, could you kindly email me your email address at irene@2-bags-full.com. Also, I wanted to mention a card that we sent my son from his grandmother(who used to ask us to put him in the bedroom when she came to visit) which said on the front: wishing my favorite grandson a wonderful birthday - Inside it said - what is your name, anyway? Just a sample of my wonderful disfunctional relatives. Btw, this is a great contest idea!

Anonymous said...

Sigh, a card for parents who spent 40 years fighting, but are hurt if you don't remember their anniversary?

Carol said...

I can't take credit for this one. I picked it up in San Francisco 5 yrs ago (and haven't sent it to anyone. Yet). Apologies in advance for the vulgarity -

Yellow flowers on front with words- 'I am so sorry. Please accept my apology. I meant to say, "I'm sorry for the whole misunderstanding"'
Inside - Not, "You ruined my life you miserable c$%t." Woops.

AuntieAnn said...

I love this idea! I'm not sure I can come up with any creative ideas myself, but I sure could use some.

Carol said...

And to think I almost missed this opportunity!

Lisa said...

Again proving that you are the queen of snark! I just wish that all my ages in therapy would have gotten me to your level of emotional honesty. Should I ask for a refund?

Julie said...

I know exactly what you mean. I hate buying a mother's day card and always end up just buying a funny one because let's face it, my mother knows she wasn't "always there for me" etc......

Juanita said...

I thought you might like this website:

www.cerebralitch.com

It's kind of what you're talking about. I sent a friend of mine a card that said, "I would prefer widow but I'll settle for divorcee."

Ruth Garcia-Alcantud said...

OUT - (flowers, glitter, a bird on a windowsill) On this Mother's day....
IN - I can't thank you for ANYTHING. Except my nose - I would look horrible with Dad's.

Looks like we all have some buried issues...